Smart Kid

Heading out of the dentist, I have the pleasure of over hearing this exchange between a mother and her daughter. Please keep in mind while the mother is focused on her daughter who is focused on her next treat, the father is cautiously guiding his two lovely ladies through the lobby and the walking traffic.

Kid: Mommy, I want gum. Mommy, I want my gum.

Mom: Not until you finish your lollipop.

Kid [without skipping a beat]: *Crunch*

Both Parents: [Look wide eyed at their daughter.]

Me [Bursts into laughter]: "Baha! Smart kid."

Petition for Public Flogging

Something I think our forefathers had right and at times, let's face it, is totally justified into todays day and age.

Thusly, I bring you: Things People Should Be Flogged Publicly- A Wonderful, Ranting List of "Seriously." and "Seriously?!" F*cked-Uped Habits by Humanity.

No. 1:

Whilst driving: That one driver (most likely in a Prius, but occasionally in a Mini) who, bless him/her, has the 'nads to right-on-red turn into your lane, only to then proceed at a snail's pace.

[But wait, there's more]

Only to then, upon the next quick-yellow-to-red light, BLOW THE OBVIOUSLY RED LIGHT.

But why sir/madam? But. Why?

You're honor,

Petition for Public Flogging on these grounds.

Black Where It Counts

Dear Caucasian Suitor,

When you confess to being, "Black where it counts," I sincerely hope you mean that you have a deeply rooted sense of pride in African American history as well as our true and positive culture, respect for "your" people-particularly for strong Black women as a whole and for those in matriarchal roles- and a great sense of rhythm and soul when you move to a beat.


Sincerely (not) yours,

This Cocoa Mocha-Latte (unamused) Mamacita

Too Soon, Bro

Me and my boo bear are cuddled up on the couch- my head resting on his stomach, one of his arms draped over my torso- watching a movie. I am beaming with girlish delight, day dreaming about the possibility of my 'just me' turning into a 'just us' in the near future. Then suddenly, my head detects the slightest, but recognizable grumble from his abdominals- and before I could pray for that grumble to travel north....


My thought bubble: "Oh no this n**** didn't?!"

Pokin' The Papa Bear

Phone conversation with my daddy dukes (NB: my dad isn't one for the doctors and modern medicine. We basically have to sedate him and drop him off in the waiting room for his annual/semi-annual visits):


Me: "Hey, Pops, you taking care of yourself?"

Papa Bear: "Yes, Baby, you'll be happy to hear that I'm going for my colonoscopy next week."

Me: "Yikes, well, you make sure the doc buys who dinner first- because you are a lady."

Papa Bear: "He-well, wait, I see what you did there..."


Adulthood means being able to sass your father and he doesn't somehow pop your mouth through the phone receiver. Hello, world, I have arrived.

No Price Tag

And for good reason. There is nothing you could provide me that I can't acquire on my own or live without it.




Please take note, and act accordingly.

That Moment: Old Soul, New Tech

That moment...


When you almost set a sexy snap as your public story....




Please tell me we've all been there...?

"I don't want to be tied down"

Fellas, give it a try. You may actually like it.


                                            Plus, I don't want to be tied up before you're tied down.

Pretty Boy Says Dumb Sh*t.

He likes long, curly hair. Since I have relatively long, curly hair, that's been a plus. Until this happened:

"Ooo, she's got longer hair than you." His eyes follow her for a moment as he sips his drink before flashing me a coy smile and a "your move" look.

"Oh, honey, you don't want me to start comparing what's longer on my ex than on you." I quietly sip my drink and flash him a "checkmate" look.

Check, please?

"Maybe we should be just friends because my favorite thing to do is get a BJ on the drive down to the beach." He concluded with a smile.

[Look of utter embarrassed shock, I conclude to myself:] "And that is why you, sir, will be paying for my meal and will enjoy the rest of your night without me."

Dark Roast

Realizing I like my men how I like my coffee...


Strong....

                 Black....


                              Bold...
                      

                                            And gourmet...




He perks me right up, my Dark Roast.

Cage the Beast.

"Dag, you're so, so [gestures and strong arm push]. Like, why don't you just relax at let things happen organically?" He exclaimed.


"Because I know myself, and with no title and no agreed monogamy, I'm free to damage that pride of yours, dearest...."

Be Your Sweetheart

That guy I've seen around a few times. He is very dark and lovely. He is also dangerously charming....

D&L: [With a chuckle] "You're a sweetheart."

Me: [With a softened voice and 'the look'] "...in public."

Achilles' Heel

The way he smiles when he says my name~*~


                                                                                              It gets me every time~*~

What's Your Fantasy?

"To love him," would be the honest answer were I to truthfully answer his question. But what bachelor party goer wants to hear about "true, reciprocated, healthy love" from a card-carrying "VIP" bachelorette party goer (who is also one of the two single ladies of the group)? Especially since, upon a "VIP" dare [the most binding of all dares during such pre-matrimony celebrations], I asked him what his sexual fantasy is.


So now I know that a complete stranger has a thing for Catholic school girls [surprise] and he has no idea that all I want is to know what it's like to love the lucky bastard.


[Shrugs].

Filling the Void

It is apparent that I have voids to fill- that is an undeniable, unmistakable, and absolute truth.

While I feel these voids are spiritual, interpersonal, emotional, and intimate in nature, I seem to be inclined to find gentlemen suitors who are interested in filling only the physical voids, which, to be fair, are more easily visible to the world, save for the few voids that are guarded by walls of cloth instead of walls built with the bricks of my past.

Two Choices, One [Preferred] Outcome

I've always wanted a boyfriend.  I've also always wanted my Master's degree.

Both will take a lot of effort, sacrifice, planning, possible loss of friends, maybe even some separation from family because of time restraints and new responsibilities.



.....but only one will bring me that much closer to a six-figure income...


                                             ....and will definitely not try to sleep with my best friend.


Decisions, decisions.

Small [Friggin'] World.

Nothing like participating in an event ran by the former flame who pre-dates you with the shared former flame. Oh, and she knows who you are. She knows full well who you are...


Yea, that's a fun feeling. It's nice. Just nice.

Missed Direction

Really wished I had face-pushed you out the way the millisecond you introduced me to your friend.

Creative Measures

Me: "I don't know how else to put this: [final hesitation before taking the dive] I've had a crush on you for the past 6 months now..."

Him [Pauses before he replies]: "I'm leaving for Italy in two weeks to meet with the parents of my betrothed."

Me [Pause] [Heart Sinks] [With a pained chuckle, replies]: "Well, that's one way to say 'no'."