Planning.

Get's invited to an all white party on the most inopportune week of her month.

Cognitive dissonance

Removing your ex from having access to your social networking site profile.

Whispers a little prayer that he gets word of how hot and awesome you are and how well you're doing without him through the grapevine every time a mutual friend comments on, posts on, or views your page.

Not vicious, observant.

Have you ever gotten a glimpse of a cutesy couple picture of them and just wanna say, "wow, your new girlfriend is ugly!"? 

Just as an observation on his post-breakup decisions and the obvious lowering of his standards, not to be malicious or vindictive in any way shape or form.

I'm bad with breakups

Have you ever been in that situation where you are looking at one person, and you really sincerely wish you were with that other person? Yes? Ok what the f#ck do I do in that situation? Because it is awkward as hell.

I know when it's over, I'll just horrible at breaking it off...time to fade into the background....or let him catch me on top.

Poking in the dark.

Text conversation between me and Mr. Smarty Pants:

Me: In case you're still oblivious as to what I'm trying to hint here, let me translate for you: when it comes to dinner reservations and future dates, I respond well when the fella takes initiative and makes a move.

Mr. Smarty Pants: What move would that one be?

[Holds response in hopes he'll figure it out on his own]

Mr. Smarty Pants: I'll look for moves to make, but probably just going to be poking in the dark.

Me: Poking in the dark? Dinner better be A-mazing before you make any of those types of moves, my dear.





Oddly enough, he has since asked me to come over to his place for a delicious home-cooked meal prepared by his apt hands. I can only hope he is fully aware that one move should not immediately follow the other...there should be some time elapse...no one wants the mood ruined or performance weakened by indigestion or cramping. Just saying.

Fears.

Today I realized my top four fears are as follows:

1) Heights

2) The dark

3) Knives

4) Two or more men who've seen me naked, for adult reasons, in the same room and/or in the same conversation.

All four initiate the same fight or flight response, except I'm pretty sure throwing punches mid-polite-conversation (especially if I haven't explained their connection) would not be the best reaction if my goal is to make things less awkward for me.

Like roses, but for men.

Things I learned tonight: 

Showing up with a six pack of pristine beer is kinda the male equivalent of receiving a half a dozen roses. Short stem roses, but still.