Top hat.

Motherf*cker on the bus, no lie, was wearing 1) ergonomic shoes, windbreaker pants and jacket black and red respectively, lion's main printed shirt, and (wait for it) the finest motherf*cking camel colored velvet hat with white, chocolate colored ribbon detail.


Get on his level.

....NEXT!

Tonight I just literally ran away from the most physically attractive, intelligent, successful (read: it ain't trickin' if you got it), fine chocolate specimen of a man I believe I will ever encounter. . .



That must tell you a lot about his personality.

Rapper's delightful advice

Text message exchange after a night of light drinking with podcast producer friend, Quinto:

Me: I had 1.25 drinks last night and I feel like I had 3. Getting lame

Quinto: You begrudginly drank 1.25 drinks last night.

Me: Told you my body hasn't recovered from my bday week.
Me: I took 50 Cent's advice to heart that week.

Quinto: What was his advice?

Me: "Go, shawty, it's your birthday/ we gon' party like it's your birthday/ We gon' drink
       Ba'cardi like it's your birthday" etc.

Quinto: Gonna pretend like you didn't write that and I didn't read it.

Dance Partner Wanted

Recently went to my mom's ballroom dance recital at her studio. The studio is made up of singles and divorcees, couples old and young, and people from every walk of life.

I've never seen a more loving and intimate moment between two souls as I did when I watched the couples skip, shuffle, hustle, and fox trot across the dance floor.


So yea, dance partner wanted. Someone to tango, waltz, and paso double through life with.

That other, other moment

That moment when you see them together. They really are the perfect couple: loving, devoted, and compatible. She's gorgeous, you know this, and he couldn't be happier with any other soul on this earth, but still you yearn for what could never really be yours. That moment when, instead of accepting an unavoidable truth, that you are not the object of his heart's desire- that you could never take the place of his buxom beauty, in this moment of insecurity you jealously critique her appearance to salvage some sense of worth by saying, "Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt; it's sooo BIG!! I mean look at it; it's just so round and...out there!"

(The unofficial reason behind the opening of Sir Mix-a-lot's "I like big butts")

Adele would understand

                                                            

                                    Rumor has it there is trouble in your paradise.








Just so you know, I wouldn't be picking up where she leaves off.











                                                                    I would be taking you in a better direction.

The undeniably fearful moment

When you wonder if you're biggest, irrational insecurity is an unfortunate, undeniable truth.



Do they know something I don't know? Am I only m e d i o c r e?