To: Nice Guys From: This Girl

Dear Nice Guys,

      Novel idea for you gentlemen: STOP chasing after that idiot girl who wants the douche-bag boyfriend.  Though she may turn around on her own later down the line, take it from me, you are currently wasting your time.  While you're at it, pretty please drop that dead weight you call your manipulative, crazy-bitch of girlfriend.  I don't care how good you think the sex is. I can assure you your mental health is worth more in the long run, and 'psycho-slut' doesn't always equate to 'tigress in the sack'...unless you're using the metaphor to comment on her tendency toward clawing out your eyes and not her sexual prowess (in which case, to each his own). 

I suggest you turn your attention, instead, to that nice young lady over there who may be to shy to make a move or is going through her awkward phase (which in my case lasted up to 10 years- and counting-but I digress).  That nice girl will most likely not try to sleep with at least one or more of your friends, roommates, male relatives, etc. (or et al). She will probably show you the time of day. I would even bet she would appreciate you and wouldn't purposefully do things to openly humiliate you in public or private settings (now doesn't that sound like a lovely change of pace?).

So please, fellas, I beseech you. You can do better.  Nice girls aren't always hideous, amorphous blobs of socially inept human flesh. Some are actually really friggin' attractive (and crazy good in the sack. I mean like, 'd@mn-how she do dat der?!' good!) So please, pretty please, either change criteria of what you are looking for in a girl- or quit bitching about how nice guys finish last. You're chasing after the wrong rabbit tail.

Cheers,

Idiot girl who (finally) came to her senses.