The wedding invite.

My friend, Quinto, is souped for his sister's wedding. That's a horrible lie. SO he invites me to come along for entertainment purposes only.  My college friend is visiting from out of state the same weekend as the wedding. Well, he scores an extra +2 and it's a go for college friend and me. Here's how the [in]formal invite went down via text: 

Quinto: "Just got a plus two for the wedding. You in? Bring your friend."

Me: "Sure, I'll give her the heads up."

Quinto: "It's at the science center. Can't dress too slutty."

Me: "Thanks, wasn't planning on dressing slutty at all actually..."

Building v. Established

"I thought we were building something," he argues.

I thought we were already established, you see, and my efforts to support this foundation illustrated my cemented beliefs.


Silly me. The relationship was built on something like quicksand.

Gentlemen do not prefer blondies.

Flipping through my cookbook for a dynamite recipe for the office bake-off this coming week, I stumble across a photocopied recipe for a dessert I wouldn't otherwise make.

"You've got to be kidding me," an embarrassed, cheeky smile rolls across my face, "I made him his favorite dessert?!" I then exclaim. "I- I seriously made his favorite dessert?!" I ask again, still in disbelief. "I looked up the recipe to, and then made his favorite dessert?! What is- what is wrong with me?!?!"


What is wrong with me? Better question, what is wrong with him?

Shameless Book Plug!

Check out my lovely mentor's latest work, please

http://uiehartford.eventbrite.com/

Pass!

I ride the bus every morning to work. There's a young mother and her son who ride with me. Today, the darling 4-year-old boy extends his palm out to me and squeals, 'Pass!' Naturally, I collect the nonexistent object from his hand, and, of course, pass it to the woman to my right, who then tosses it back to the little boy across from us. Who knew such little hands held such great influence?

Tutoring

I have a new tutor. Who is a straight, single, male between the age of 21 and 35, AND he has neither seen me naked NOR has any desire to.


I'm actually learn some math skills from this guy.




A-mazing!

Single Red Rose.

I know I often I focus on the negative in this blog, so let's have a happy story for a change:

The absolute sweetest thing a guy has ever done for me happened back in the 5th grade.

On Valentines' Day, I walked into the classroom to find a single, rose-shaped Russell Stovers (yea, the good sh*t) chocolate valentine on my assigned desk.

To this day, I have no idea who left me this very sweet gesture.  


And I'm sorry to say- in my naivety I thought it was put on my desk in error and wasn't meant for me, so I gave it to the only chick in our grade who had a boyfriend because I knew even at that age, that sweet gestures on what boyfriends do (good God I wish I had kept that mind set 10 years down the line).

So, to whomever you are, sorry I was naive and thank you very much for my first, only, and bestest Valentine ever.



Warmest Regards.

"Do the spinnies!!"

Cheered my male friend at the pole dancing expo as I performed some pole and floor dance moves.



Didn't help he was dressed in a suit and tie, having just come from his job down at the city capital.


 
I naturally responded, "Heeeeeeeeeeeey Mr. Politician, you lookin' for some scandal tonight?"


Funny where one's college education can land one.

Dear Next Guy,

I am so sorry for the residual crazy, over reactions you will experience as a result of the mistrust and mistreatment experienced by me delivered by your predecessor. I can only hope that you will have the patience to endure it and I can promise to make it up to you if you can make it through the long haul.


Happily,

Yours, truly.

A glass of wine before deforesting.

For various reasons, I do my own landscaping (euphemism alert). I did that once sober. Never again.


Sober, I mean.

Married life.

My married friends are awesome. Super interesting, and just as fun as when they were an exclusively dating couple, and seeking individuals.  Lucky single lady friend am I! Now if only they had awesomely single friends. . .