Permitted

"Imma even let you open the door for me."

Is what I declared to him. He's lucky I'm willing to be seen in public with him, let alone allow him the chance to get a glimpse at my booty as I walk on by.


*"You're welcome."*

Peeved.

I can handle rejection. That comes with the territory. I handle rejection like a champ. It's an old, familiar friend really.



Indecisiveness, on the other hand, is a mortal enemy.




                         Make up your mind on what it is you want from me.
                                         And act accordingly, please.

Slow It Down, Romeo

I don't want to be your Rosaline nor your Juliet...




Come to think of it, at this point, I don't really want to be your anyone.



Cheers.

I'm Not Saying This Because I'm Hangry

 

So I'm too much of a chump to post my reaction on the online medium where I found this meme, so I'm doing it in the comfort of my own blog. Deal with it. It's the truth. It's not fair. I don't want to be the (metaphorical) bigger person here for a change. You fatties were mean to me. Viciously mean. How does it taste? Probably not as good as those pork rinds you used to freebase. Unhappy jerks.

 

 

"The real me wants to say, 'Thank you. #SkinnyGirlSwag.' The PC me wants to say, 'I think it's important to be happy with your being healthy.' But bump that, for real, I was tormented growing up. Tormented. Now I have to deal with sloppy, big chicks posting about their meals and work out plans. No one cares. Unless you're eating an endangered animal while performing fire dancing to live house music. No. One. Cares."

I Wish A N*gga Would

They say violence begets more violence.



Well you're about to be-gotten.




                        Lay hands on me one more 'gain. See what happens.

Dad's Rule

"All I want for my girls is for the right guy to be at least as crazy about chya as I am. That's the minimum."

When God Closes A Door, He Opens A Window

I'm hoping when He closes a door, and shuts that window, then burns down the whole building, it's because He is trying to say, "F*ck it, let's just build something better. I hated that building anyway."

I Will Never Understand You People

I'm a model and I have insecurities about my physical appearance. Let's review: I take my clothes off, put other people's on, and have other people take pictures of me while I pose in various studios and locations. That's what I do for kicks, and I have "fat" and "ugly" days.

You all have "fat", "old", "gray hair with WAAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH product", "holding onto my waning glory days", "You're hoping my lack of coordination on the dance floor does not translate to my skills in the bedroom, when, truth be told, it only gets worse once I'm off my feet" years, and yet you can still confidently approach me with the assumption that I am dying to waste 5 minutes to a solid hour ignoring your aforementioned imperfections because my goodness, you are a Greek god.

Gross. Please remove yourself from my presence. Leave the drink you ordered me. It's proper libations.

Just Once

Just once I'd like him to answer proudly and truthfully, "Yes, she is." when asked if I'm his girlfriend.

Now, let's clarify, I'd like this him to be someone I don't mind being seen with in public. Let alone someone I wouldn't mind being with romantically and intimately.

But seriously, I would like him to be someone I would also claim in public.

*Sigh* a girl can dream....

Baptized by Beauty

I'm noticing a pattern of monstrously wealthy, powerful, arrogant, devious, ruthless, selfish men who, in a moment of lucidity, marry and even procreate with truly beautiful, generous, kind, caring, loving, humble, sometimes even Godly women.

Interesting, no?  Like a last ditch effort to save themselves from themselves.

If It's Not OK in Real Life

It's still not ok online.

Fellas, I'll make this simple: If you don't know my birth name, and especially if we're on username only, it is way too soon for you to be asking me if I know how to twerk. (Also, it's 2014. Be serious.)

Special Delivery

Seething, I check my phone again. "Come on." Because encouraging an inanimate electronic device will no doubt expedite the Universe bringing your heart's desires to fruition. "Come on!" Thankfully I only raise the voice in my head.  My inner voice grumbling, I place my phone back down on my desk, look up aimless at my work computer, and begin mentally drafting tonight's bitter-angry-FOREVERalone-single-girl blog entry, when the mail tech comes by to drop off some letters to the woman the cubicle across from mine.


"Nah, I couldn't go too crazy on Christmas. I gotta save for the perfect ring for my girl." He boasts. I can't see him, but by the tone of his voice I'm certain he made his declaration with a puffed out chest and proud smile. "Nah, I gotta get the right one, you know? I wanna do it once and I wanna get it right." He goes on, "if this was the 2nd or 3rd or 4th time, then yea, any ol' ring would do. But not the first time. The first time you gotta do it right. And I wanna do it right the first and only time for her."

.....my mood obviously lightens upon overhearing his declaration of love.  Ducking further into my computer chair so that I may wipe away a few escaping tears in peace, I sniffle quietly and get back to work.