Easy Calorie Burn

Without actually going to a gym or popping in a workout tape (NB: if you do not get the "video tape" reference, then you are WAY too young to read my blog. Please unsubscribe, delete your browser history, and I'll see you in 5 to 10 years. Thank you.), the most calorie burning activities in your day to day life are 1) housekeeping and 2) sex.











                  I am unfortunately too lazy for both.
                                                                           And so Ben&Jerry's it is...

Insanity

As it's defined by Albert Estein is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."



So my romantic decisions define insanity.








                                                                                                                          Crap.

Friendly Competition

Friend 1: Let's face it, out of the three of us, she has the hottest body.

Me: Anybody mind if I do this?

Friend 2: Go for it.

Me: [Stands up and does victory dance.]

Franken-boyfriend

It would be amazing to find a composite of the men I've been romantically involved with over, we'll say, the last 15 years of dating.

A bit of that guys romanticism, his sense of humor and good looks, the other guy's height, his swag, his bank account, the other one's willingness to blow that account on me, etc.


*Sigh*

You don't text message breakup

Ok,

Sometimes you do.

                                                          Like when it's pretty obvious you were only a play thing.


Annnnd he didn't play well.



Then it's ok. Easier. Cost effect.  Why pretend like there was anything more there than feigned false
                                                                 hope?
(Yes, I'll admit, I was hoping you'd secretly be in love with me...I could use the ego boost. On the other hand, I hoped not because then that reconfirms my fear that all I can attract is pond scum.)


Exactly. So, once more, if it's just a booty call. And break up text is just fine.

                                                             


                                                                                                                   Ok. Good talk.