#NOvember

So for about 6 years now I have been complaining about the quality (really, the lack there) of guys I have been wasting (an exorbitant amount of) time on dating or generally associating myself with at the wee hours of the weekend nights.

Sick of my repetitive mistakes, a friend challenged me to give the whole "single" thing the good ol' college-try.

So, this November will become NOvember. No nothing. Just friends [like, actual platonic ones] and my hobby of baking.

I am looking forward to it.  I mean, I'm tired betting on the same losing horse. I don't even like gambling, so what's the point?  I keep saying, "I want a worth-while guy. Someone for whom I am enough. Someone who values me as a person," then I go running into the arms of the next smooth-talking guy with the capacity for sincerity and an eye-for-value of a used-car salesman.

[Shrugs] Enough is enough.  If you say you want something. First, mean it. Then, act on it.


Boom. #NOvember.

Eaves Dropping

In hind sight, the subject matter wasn't exactly "bar talk" appropriate; nonetheless Quinto delivered a noteworthy pep talk about self-advancement and improvement. Unfortunately, he delivered this rousing speech in a packed bar during Sunday night football:

Quinto: "Just take a month off to be alone, ya know? Just be single for a little bit. Use your pile of vibrators to get you through the lonely nights and just be- and that guy was listening way too intently!"

[I glance behind me to meet the half open, fully drunk eyes of a keenly listening male attendee. He grumbles a few words, the clearest being "pile of vibrators?"]

Quinto: "See he's gonna try, not knowing he's gotta wait a full month!"

"He's got no chance," I interject.

Quinto: "No chance?"

 [I shake my head 'no' and add]: "No need to string him along nor give him any false hope. Let's just squash that idea right now."

Quinto:  "Ok, well, true and good he has no chance, but any other Roomba has to wait at least a month."

Breast Meat

One splendid Saturday night in NYC, I met a handsome, successful, educated young blue-eyes-with-a-bright-smile man whom I promptly abandoned at the pub so that I could make a necessary (necessary because I hadn't eaten since noon that day) Fried Chicken run. When I returned to collect my friend whom I had left there at the pub with the this guy's friend, I met them all outside.


Bucket in hand, I told him that I realize the stereotypical this moment appeared, but the chicken was so d@mn good, and no, I am not sorry.

This statement probably would've sufficed to save the moment....had it not been for his friend in the background laughing hysterically while choking out, "So she left you...for chicken? She left you for chicken? She seriously LEFT YOU for CHICKEN?!?!" in between gasps for air and his belly laughter.


It was some darn good chicken, though. No joke.

Online Dating Sites

It's like bringing the bar to your smartphone.


Except you now have the ability to see how many spelling and grammatical errors your potential suitors make. So that's good.

Girl [Space] Friend

I go back with a friend to his place to join his other guests for a horrible movie night in. Three couples greet us. One of the girls asks me how I know the host, and I explain we went to school together. Dissatisfied with my straightforward answer, she pries a little more:

Party Goer: "Oh, so you're his giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllllll-?"

I kid you not, she holds this question for a solid minute and a half.

Me [after shaking off how long she's holding that syllable, reply]: "Girl who's a friend."

Party Goer: "Gotchya."