Mr. Impossible

Because Mr. Right is damn near impossible to find, why not just go big?

I would like a man who:

1) Will teach me how to drive stick (as in manual gear shift, perv)
2) Is not lactose intolerant (you have no idea how often I run into this roadblock.)
3) Knows how to do the ballet fish pose (and he may need to teach me how to do it)
4) Speaks at least one foreign language (ideally the same one I speak)
5) Is tall
6) Has his sh*t together
7) Does not have issues with his mother/father/family/coworkers/siblings/self/neighbor/etc.
8) Seriously, has his sh*t.       Together.
9) Is within my age range (+3yr, -1yr)
10) Has a nice body and a great face
11) Is single
12) Is not full of himself
13) Has a big vocabulary and knows how to use it (euphemism)
14) Is a cunning linguist (euphemism)
15) Isn't stupid (this attribute can come in many forms, and I am referring to all forms)
16) Is single, straight, and responsible (again, broad description. Requirement encompasses all interpretations)
17) Is happy
18) Is a good dancer AND likes to dance. Publicly. With me. 
19) Is healthy and athletic, and makes healthy lifestyle choices
20) Is religious (preferably mine or one compatible with mine)
21) No kids. Unless they're his and mine, and I have a fat rock on the right finger from him. Otherwise, I can't. I won't.
22) Isn't needy. (Like seriously, get off my nuts and get a hobby.)
23) Has a great sense of humor. He will think I'm hilarious as well as keep me ROTFLMOA
24) Likes me in high heels or house slippers
25) Thinks all my other girlfriends are great girls, but not his type (sorry, ladies)
26) Smells awesome, even after a workout
27) Has a great smile and nice eyes to match
28) Is parent friendly
29) Is gainfully employed.
30) Has a passion and pursues it
31) Is supportive and inspires me to be better
32) Will not put me down in front of his friends (because I will lay him out in front of those same friends)
33) Can cook
34) Will actually cook for me
35) Treats me well

Also he must have the other half of this golden amulet....


Cheers.