B.S.

Dear wildly attractive, relatively successful, and probably closest to my ideal suitor,

Sometimes I just think you are straight up bull shitting me. There is no way you are that interested in an awkward little rapscallion like me. But just in case you are genuinely captivated by whatever charms I may have, please forgive any and everything that will spill from my lips during any and all interactions with you.

Thanks. Really appreciate your understanding.

Cheers.